Love literally Kills
Can we, and I mean with a clear conscience honestly and still call that love. . . ?
The painful death of Sharon, the Egerton University student from the Department of History and Religion has left bitterness, anger and a lot of cursing amongst the students’ fraternity.
It is a classic example of murder in the first degree, under the guise of love.
Drawn by Sharon’s cries for help, the crowd rushed to her aid. By the time they arrived the scene her cries had subsided. Attempts to break in and intervene were painfully slowed by the house’ strong metal doors and window grills.
They however, managed to make their way into the house, only to stare at the shock of their lives. Several of the witnesses could not hold back tears as they described seeing the deceased lying dead, in a pool of blood, with multiple stab wounds to her back, stomach, chest and neck.
Dennis, an observer at the scene, states that standing beside Sharon’s body was the alleged boyfriend, who held a knife in his hand, threatening to do the same to their 5 months infant daring them not to get close to him.
“Things happened very fast before he could even utter any other word than the angry mob was on top of him,” noted Dennis. The angry crowd descended ruthlessly on him and gave him the beating of his life, James succumbed to death.
A close source (female) indicated that the two have been engaging in frequent arguments and confrontations. She even said there were times the two would engage in physical duels in the presence of their baby. What shocked us is that some of their neighbours were aware, but chose not to be bothered and not poke their noses in the affairs of those two.
One of the parents from Njokerio (a victim of relationship abuse while on campus) was left wondering why Sharon stayed on in the abusive relationship until it got to that point. “Surviving intimate partner violence, or abuse in a relationship, is hard,” she narrated.
According to her, she left the abusive relationship to regain control of her life. It was a choice she had to make, in as much as she feared the situation would complicate her life.
At some point she missed the abuser, “sometimes feeling utterly alone [empty] without him.” It took her time, and patience, as she dedicated her time to reading the Bible and keeping the company of good friends. She eventually managed to break free.
You too, you are strong, make that choice and be free.
Some of the abusers, on realizing that they are being left, cry, cajole, sweet-talk and even beg for forgiveness, promising to be better in the future, while others go as far as threatening self-harm.
In some instances, the abusive partners send chilling messages, all in an effort to stop the possibility being left (threatening to hurt them or their loved ones, or even suicide). The respondents agreed that it was quite difficult to leave an abusive relationship when the parties involved share costs of living, same friends, apartment, or depend on one party as a caregiver.
When asked what they understanding of relationship violence and if they knew the signs; our respondents gave the following answers;
If your partner or even you do anyone of the following:
- Forces or manipulates the other to engage in sexual activity.
- Partner puts you down the other, belittling them. Calling them stupid, ugly, or say things like “no one else would love you, or put up with the likes of you the way I do. Count yourself lucky!”
- Prevents you from seeing friends, family or going places or talking to them on the phone.
- Controls who you see and talk to.
- Hits, pushes, slaps or throws things at you.
- Harass, stalks and even spy on you.
- Makes all of the decisions in your relationship – what to do when you are together, when you are alone, and decisions about sex and intimacy.
- Makes you feel unsafe.
- Threatens to hurt you or themselves if you leave. Say that they can’t live without you, and they are better off dead if you leave.
- Blackmail or threaten to stalk you or say things like “I’d kill you if you left me“.
If you are a victim of violence in a relationship or gender-based violence, it’s time for you to make a choice. Not for any moment should status prevent you from leaving a relationship marred by violence. Neither should you should continue to or learn to live with that situation.
First, appreciate the fact that you have the right to be safe; secondly, there are institutions set up to address these indecent/inhuman acts of humiliation. For the case of Egerton University, we have:
- The Institute of Women and Gender Studies
- Counselling Department
- The Security Office.
There are also hotlines which you can call to seek assistance.
Consider telling someone whom you trust about the state of affairs, and never walk alone. If you also happen to know a victim of relationship violence, listen to them, and provide options, but, more importantly, let them know they are not alone and lead them to help.
Let us not lose another comrade in this manner, remember three important things; you can always call, report threats, and never walk alone.
share with us your experiences with violence whether in a relationship or gender based